Gordo wouldn’t leave.
On Christmas Eve, entirely uninvited, smiling Gordo had plunged in through the front door. Neighbors can be that way.
Twelve hours later, Gordo was still lounging on the couch. He wouldn’t leave.
Mrs. Foolyman and Junior had long gone to bed. The entire world had gone to bed. Foolyman tried to be polite, but sitting there stiffly on his own couch, listening to Gordo drone on, he could barely remain awake.
“And you know,” continued Gordo, “let me tell you just one more thing. You’re really going to enjoy this. It’s another of my Christmas stories. This one is really funny. This is a classic. I’ll never forget. Not in a million years.”
Foolyman stifled a yawn.
“I remember my little brother and I kept waiting and waiting for Santa Claus to land on the roof and come down the chimney. We couldn’t go to sleep. While everyone else was in bed, we sat on the couch, waiting. We just sat and watched the fireplace, waiting and waiting and waiting for what seemed like forever.”
“That’s interesting,” said Foolyman, glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece above the fireplace. “You know, it’s late.”
“Yes, extremely late. And time seemed to be going by very, very slowly. My little brother and I kept looking at the clock on the mantelpiece, because we knew Santa might arrive at any moment. He might appear literally any second! You know what that’s like? We’re talking about the one and only honest-to-goodness Santa Claus! Who wouldn’t wait for Santa? So we waited on the couch. And we waited. And we waited. And we waited.”
Foolyman squirmed uncomfortably, hoping that Gordo would go.
“All of a sudden a noise in the house made us jump!” enthused Gordo. “My brother and I sat there together on the couch, totally frozen, listening as hard as we could to figure out what made the noise. But then it was quiet. It became perfectly quiet. I mean absolutely quiet. And so we waited. We just waited for Santa Claus. Sometimes it felt like Santa would never come. But maybe he was nearby. It was possible! You know, Santa could arrive at literally any moment. So we patiently waited. We would look at the clock once in a while, but time seemed to be barely moving. But we didn’t care. Santa would be arriving that night! The anticipation is what made everything so riveting. So we waited and waited. We just waited and waited on the couch. What if Santa came down the chimney in the next few seconds? What if we blinked and Santa was there–boom–and then gone? Vanished right back up the chimney! He had magical powers, right? So we patiently waited on the couch, paying close attention to the fireplace. I’ll never forget how we waited and waited and waited. We kept looking at the clock, but no Santa. All night long, we kept waiting and waiting. But it would be worth it. How often do you get to see Santa? Not very often, right? While we sat there waiting, it occurred to me we might have to wait a really, really long time. Because Santa has lots of houses to visit. But, seriously, can you imagine? What if we actually saw Santa Claus with our own eyes? Wouldn’t that be something? Have you ever been lucky enough to see Santa Claus? Now that, believe you me, is something well worth waiting for. So we sat there together on the couch and waited. You know, he might appear any second! So we patiently waited and waited and waited . . . “
Foolyman plopped over on the couch, unconscious. The sun had begun to rise on Christmas morning.
Foolyman Stories 